The Weasel Song

by Wobble and Wheeze

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about

***Please note that no animals were seriously injured in the course of this sorry tale, as the farmer was a very poor shot.***

lyrics

A thieving weasel came to my farm, He just wanted to do me harm,
He stole my eggs and the chicken’s legs, pulled the washing from the pegs,
He chewed the horns from my wife’s goat and left a note claiming he was a stoat,
But I saw him,

Running by like a thieving weasel, running by.
Running by like a thieving weasel, running by.
Running by like a thieving weasel and I knew it was him because he looked quite evil,
And a weasel is weasily recogniseable and a stoat is stoatally different.

I had to go and buy an alarm and just when I was feeling calm,
He stole a pot of strawberry jam, left the bread from my sandwich, but took the ham,
He chewed a hole in my wife’s new coat and wrote on the mirror the single word STOAT,
But I saw him

Running by like a thieving weasel, running by.
Running by like a thieving weasel, running by.
Running by like a thieving weasel and I knew it was him because he looked quite evil,
And a weasel is weasily recogniseable and a stoat is stoatally different.

He emptied the freezer of chocolate cake, threw my iPad into the lake,
Bit my dog and took its bone, stole my keys and mobile phone,
Drank so much of my whiskey he must have been afloat,
Which my neighbour says proves he was a stoat,
But I saw him

Running by like a thieving weasel, running by.
Running by like a thieving weasel, running by.
Running by like a thieving weasel and I knew it was him because he looked quite evil,
And a weasel is weasily recogniseable and a stoat is stoatally different.

He took my car and pinched my bike, punctured my airbed with a spike,
Doubled the payments on the house, chewed the tail off my wife’s pet mouse,
He wrote an e-mail to gloat, and signed it “Love from Mr. Stoat”,
But I saw him

Running by like a thieving weasel, running by.
Running by like a thieving weasel, running by.
Running by like a thieving weasel and I knew it was him because he looked quite evil,
And a weasel is weasily recogniseable and a stoat is stoatally different.

Took my tractor and my sheep, ate my goats and made me weep,
Took my shirt from off my back, painted all the windows black,
That’s the problem on a farm, animals can do you harm,
Rats and polecats, badgers and voles, even moths can make holes,
Butterflies and harvest mice, if you knew them better, you’d know they’re not nice,
Moles and pigeons, rabbits and hares, wolves, wolverines and bears.

But the problem is that nobody cares.
All they do is sit and gloat.
You say it’s a weasel, they say it’s a stoat.

But sometimes a weasel can go too far, when he’s taken your farm, your wife and your car
It was certainly time to stop his fun, so I went to get my gun,
But it’s harder than you’d think, the first thing I shot was a feral mink,
A squirrel, a badger, a duck and the goat.
And then I thought I’d got him and I started to gloat.
And then I found I’d shot the stoat
And I heard him singing

Running by like a thieving weasel, running by.
I’m running by like a thieving weasel, running by.
I’m running by like a thieving weasel
And you won’t catch me, 'cos I’m too evil,
And you should know that
A weasel is weasily recogniseable and a stoat is stoatally different.

credits

released August 27, 2015
Music: Summerhayes/Johnston Lyrics: Summerhayes

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about

Wobble and Wheeze England, UK

A potentially overweight Ironman competitor and an endlessly wheezing whooping cough victim - who share in common the fact that they are both always, unquestionably (and completely) correct in all their opinions and assertions. They have almost learnt the rules of chess and play and sing unstoppably in the early hours whilst their long-suffering wives and children sleep. ... more

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